- 47- Perfect.
Marya is describing a "Perfect Body" she capitalizes both Perfect and Body even though they are not at the beginning of the sentence. She seems a bit confused about what Perfect is but insists it is the only way that she will be happy.
- 57- Fear.
Marya is talking about fear in her childhood. She was afraid of growing up yet she was afraid of staying in her constant state. I think that Marya chose "fear" because she wasn't sure of anything else in her life but her fears.
This is the thing that Marya has wanted since she can remember. She believes it will only help her understand herself and what she wants in life.
Knowing the nature of this memoir, this word is inevitably loaded. Marya again capitalizes Thin several times when it is in the middle of a sentence. Marya's life revovles around the idea of Thin.
- 69- Self-Destruction.
Marya begins to self-destruct her life from the inside out. This is shown in her complusive behaviors of her eating disorder.
Usually a savior is something that helps us out of a life threating situtation but in Marya's case, she refers to anorexia as her savior. She says it is the only pure and constant thing in her life.
- 71- Gifted.
This word is loaded because Marya believes that "gifted" is everything that she is not.
- 71- Underachiever.
Marya's parents refer to her as an Underachiever, that she is not good enough, not strong enough for their expectations. Marya is heartbroken with mostly everything her parents say to her, though doesn't admit it.
Marya had potential. She had the potential to be normal and to be an achiever, though she never quite had all control on her own life.
- 86- Anoretic.
Marya refers to the word anoretic in a loving fashion. She respects the "saints" who have the will to starve themselves willingly as if God had told them to do so.
Marya is becoming more hard-headed and stubborn as time goes on. Her illness is at an all-time high and so is her reckless behavior. Therapy is doing seemingly nothing for her. I believe that if she does get into Interlochen that her behavior will just worsen. Marya is completely out of control and i have lost any sympothy or compassion I ever had for her as a little girl. I have a hard time reading this book since it makes me furious.